A friend was visiting a few weeks ago. She also lost a child a few weeks after Waverly's death. She had mentioned that she was curious when it would be a thousand days since her son's passing. Thankfully there are websites for those calculations and when I punched in November 18 2015, one thousand days was August 14 2018. I set a reminder and on Tuesday morning my phone dinged with the news.

It wasn't a remarkable day or a milestone I was anticipating, but it still felt like a moment. A typical day held a tad bit more weight than usual.

I have been dreaming about Waverly more often. They aren't joy filled dreams, rather a mundane dream about Oliver when I remember I have forgotten about Waverly, only to find her left alone uncared for. I wake up guilt ridden.

So here I sit, 1003 days after Wavey died. I am snuggling with Oliver, focused on his ever-changing needs. My grief for Wavey has felt "on hold". Hence the dreams. And the guilt.

Grief is messy.


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