Tuesdays

I have written before about secondary losses in grief. For many this can be loss of security, income, property, faith. For me it looks more like a loss of relationships, identity, and hopes for the future. As my grief has thawed, those secondary losses reveal themselves and the mourning process continues.

Yesterday I had a chance to visit one of my secondary losses. Waverly and Oliver saw the same OT and PT for ten years. Every Tuesday morning we would load up and head to therapy. Waverly took to it immediately. Oliver cried for the first year - separation from mommy was difficult. I would sit in the waiting area with a book or my phone, sometimes chatting with other parents, but often enjoying the ninety minutes of "quiet". Terry and Pat were constants. Every Tuesday, every week, every month, year after year.

I often drive pass their office and think about how much I miss them. They became friends and confidants. I trusted their intuition and they listened when I would say that things are off and the kids are declining. Recently I was trying to think of a way to pop in and say hello. And then the mail arrived with a check mistakenly sent to me instead of them. I took it as a sign and stopped by the office. As we chatted, Pat said that her Tuesdays will never be the same. Waverly & Oliver will always be missed. I thought this was such a beautiful sentiment.

When I returned home I relayed the information to a friend who said how profound it was that other people have significant days that are different from mine. What an incredible thought! And what a powerful reminder that my children are missed and remembered.

Waverly & Oliver both died on a Wednesday morning. So every Tuesday night brings sorrow and the anticipation of waking up another week further removed. However it brought such comfort to know that two amazing women enter into their Tuesdays missing what was.