Twelve and a Half

Yesterday was Oliver's half birthday. We started celebrating his half birthday many years ago, because a birthday on December 30th can often be overlooked. We typically celebrated with food, because Oliver loved a good treat. My facebook memories page was filled with Oliver in various ice cream or donut shops enjoying something special for his day.

The day also happened to coincide with Children's National Memorial Service. We haven't attended this particular service before, but both Matt and I wanted to go this year. We joined many other families for a sweet service of remembrance. It began with a slide show featuring the faces of beautiful children who left this earth far too soon. It was yet another example of holding both joy and sorrow. Smiling at the sight of someone else's lovely child while tears streamed down my face knowing their parents were grieving. It was a holy space to be among fellow parents who speak the language of lament.

I woke up this morning thankful for a humidity free summer day (a rarity in northern Virginia). I have spent several hours on the front porch sipping coffee with the dogs at my feet. Whenever I am deeply sad, the outdoors provides me with a sense of wonder and mystery. The sounds of the wind chimes, rustling leaves and birds chirping bring comfort to my aching heart. For now I sit waiting for a hawk and black bird to fly by and remind me that my children live on.