Saying Goodbye

 We sold our house! Within just a few days of listing, we accepted an offer and officially closed on the house yesterday. We are still living here for a few more weeks until we close on our new home in Alexandria. We found the perfect little bungalow for the next phase of our lives together. It is small and charming in a lovely neighborhood with easy access to the metro. We are so excited to make it into our own little oasis.

Matt and I have found that our bodies will tell us when it is the right time to take another step forward. And this house process has been no exception. Things moved quickly, but when something feels right, we follow our intuition. Thankfully our house sold quickly. It took us four tries to purchase a house, but we ended up with the best option.

Packing up the kids' rooms was the most difficult task, particularly Oliver's room. Over the past four years, I have purged and purged again Waverly's belongings. Each time I would feel ready to part with a few more items. Clothing was utilized to make a quilt. Other items were donated to friends, which brings smiles to our faces each time we see their daughters wear something of Waverly's. It is as if a little piece of her continues to explore the world. Toys that held memories were no longer required to have on hand because I was secure the memory would remain.

Oliver's room was much more difficult for me. I had removed anything medical from his room days after he died. I passed his pants along to a dear friend who has a son with Sanfilippo. Elastic waist pants that look stylish are remarkably difficult to find. In every other way, his room remained as it was. I simply didn't have the energy or interest to change it. But it was time. First, all of his wall decor was removed. I had made baseball-themed pennants for his tenth birthday party and then strung them up in his room. Then I went through toys, saving some and passing on most. Special train cars were saved, but tracks and bridges were given to a preschool program. I had found someone willing to make a quilt, so I went through every item of clothing and sorted what to save and what to pass on. I have delivered bags of hoodies, button-downs, and tee-shirts to friends. I have already found comfort knowing that I will see those items appear on kids whom I love and who loved Oliver.

Her room is empty. His room is empty. Our house is cluttered with boxes. It echos due to the lack of rugs and furniture. It is losing its power over my memories. I am feeling more secure that those memories are inside of me and will travel with me to a new home. There will be reminders of the kids throughout the new house. Their scents will permeate the space. Their faces will smile down from our walls. Their urns will be placed in the center of our home, the heart of the home where they will always remain.

There is a tree in the backyard of the new house. It bends at a 90-degree angle right outside of the back door and coves the back yard in shade. I am not sure what kind of tree it is yet, but I know it will soon begin to bud and blossom. Waverly would have loved that tree. I had a dream once that Wavey was playing in a forest singing a song while climbing over and under a similar tree trunk. In the dream, I stood hidden and watched her play and explore, thrilled to hear her sweet voice again. This tree is a reminder of that dream and a reminder that she is with me.

Saying goodbye to our Fairfax house is going to be incredibly difficult. We have lived here longer than anywhere else. It holds so many memories. As we move from room to room one final time, we will share stories and memories. We plan on having a moment with the house; thanking it for allowing us to stay here for a while.