Two Months

I have been waiting for the 18th to roll around for at least a week. Each Wednesday morning I awake knowing another week has passed. And as the 18th of January approached, I knew I was going to have to face Waverly's two month absence. 

I do not think two months has ever felt so long. I remember being pregnant and each month dragged on with the anticipation of a baby. And the month we waited for Oliver's diagnosis felt like an eternity. However, neither compare to two entire months without our beautiful little girl. Her absence is a finite stoppage of time. Our world shifted that day unlike ever before and there is no returning.

Grief is not linear. I will not 'get over' it. I choose to be honest with my emotions and vulnerable with my pain. I hope it allows my friends to better understand me and provide comfort to other people experiencing grief.

I have realized that people want to give advice and problem solve, as if my grief is something to be fixed. I try to remind myself that most people's intentions are honorable, however I have to admit to becoming frustrated and angry. The death of a child is isolating in so many ways. I am fighting the urge to retreat because my brokenness can be uncomfortable to those around me. Instead I seek out those who want to come along side of me and sit in my sadness.


Anonymous said…
My Heart aches so very much for you. Grief is a very lonely place.
I don't think a mother can or should 'get over' losing her child. I really wish I knew what to say to help you navigate through your grief.
I can't imagine, in the least, the pain you and you husband must be feeling.
Prayers coming your way from Switzerland
Elise said…
Hi Shannon. I think about your family and sweet Waverly every day. You sharing your family's story over the past few years has affected me in profound ways. I wanted to share a blog with you, perhaps you already know about it, Not a place to get "fixed" but definitely a safe place to grieve, share and be in good company with other "baby-lost mamas." Take care, Elsie
Pamela said…
Just a note to let you know that you are thought of and prayed for.
You are a shining example of love. You radiate it. Although I haven't lost a child I have experienced loss. It sucks. It's like you have a bleeding scar that never goes away you just adapt. I hope you have the freedom to express yourself however you need to. Yell, cry, break plates (I buy cheap ones from the dollar store just to break when I'm having a bad day), or just sit. Whatever you do to learn to live in this new life please don't hide from the world. When I read your story and see the pictures of your beautiful family I am reminded of grace. God's grace is so good. I hope you see Wavey in the little things and I know that whether it makes you smile or cry it will make you remember what an amazing little girl you had. Thank you for sharing your life and faith. I pray that the Lord's peace will dwell with you guys forever. I pray that you are blessed abundantly.
Julia said…
No words to soothe your hurting heart, but know I think of you, your family and wavey often.
also..thanks for sharing your heart...

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