November

The calendar has turned and November has arrived. I have been anticipating this month for a year. Since Waverly passed away on November 18th, I remember wondering how I will survive without her.  Those first hours and days I was in constant counting mode - 4 hours since she died, 3 days, one week, a month. Wednesdays were painful and each 18th of the month crushed me.  And now I find myself days away from the one year mark. 

I have retreated the past few days. I read through my blog posts of her final weeks. Each morning I systematically check the On This Day section of facebook to see what I was feeling and what we were doing. It all happened so fast. My instincts were heightened for months that something was wrong. However reading my words I see that I couched my fears, hid them deep within the sentences.

 I miss her.