Great Gifts, Great Gaps

I started graduate school a few weeks ago. Ever since I completed undergrad, I knew I wanted to return to school to further my education. However, it took me decades to decide what I wanted to pursue. As I looked back over my life experiences and thought about my dreams, I realized getting a Masters of Social Work would open doors for me to pursue giving purpose to my pain.

I applied and was accepted as a part-time student. I am starting off slowly with only two classes so I can acclimate to being back in an educational setting again after many years. 

I have certainly had a bumpy start. My first day of class was also the first day back for our local school district. As I commuted downtown, my Instagram and Facebook feeds were filled with back to school photos. I became emotional thinking about what would have been the start of Waverly's sophomore year of high school and Oliver entering seventh grade. 

After 5 hours of class, I was exhausted by the interpersonal heavy lifting I had to do. In both of my classes, we were asked to share our motivation for beginning the program. I decided to just put my story out there and shared that I had lost two children. It was kindly received by classmates and professors, but it required such emotional vulnerability.

I also left the campus that day feeling a sense of guilt. I was only there because my children died, allowing me the time to commit to my education. I left feeling stupid. My cloudy grief-stricken brain was foggy and slow, making it impossible for me to succeed. I left exhausted, not used to that much social contact. I also left knowing that I was given an incredible gift of time to think and learn. What a privilege to be able to study and increase my knowledge!

A very wise friend said that students bring great gifts and great gaps in the classroom. As I sat in class on Monday, I kept repeating that phrase. I have wisdom to share. And I have much to learn from my fellow students and professors.

Waverly and Oliver are my motivation and inspiration. Without them, I am not sure I would have landed in Social Work. I hope to use my experiences to be an advocate for the disability community. I hope to bring attention to palliative care and hospice, highlighting the incredible work they do for the sick and dying. I have a long road ahead of me, but Wavey and Ollie are lighting my way.


Comments

Crystal Hinman said…
I love this. Love love love. Having felt very often like a new mom who wishes she had an experienced mom to mentor her those first hard months, I wished I had a death doula or at least rare disease doula to mentor me directly following diagnosis. And probably again at the end. I have been thinking so much about the process of living and dying and end of life directives lately. Trying to get a grip on what i might want before i am in the moment of it. The amount of families you will help is unlimited. There is such a need. You are one in a million in the hardest and Mose beautiful
Of ways.

Happy 1st Semester.
I&L Gomez said…
This is a calling from God. My mom's cousin lost her 16 year old daughter in 2007, followed by her husband to cancer in Feb.2010 Later that year, in Nov. 2010, her remaining two sons were in a car accident that killed her 13 year old son and left her 17 year old in a comma from traumatic brain injury. He has since started his long road to recovery but will never be the same. A grief-stricken mom/wife and a son still trying to recover, is what remains from the happy family of five. She too, went back to school to become a masseuse. She channels her energy through massages for those in need and in pain. She knew the value of these as her son recovered of his own injuries. Shannon, continue to let God lead you towards your purpose. You're an amazing mother and person. Let others benefit from that. God bless you and Matt always and the memory of the precious babies, Waverly and Oliver, who continue to live on through you.
Emily G said…
I'm so proud of you for returning to school-what a brave decision during a very difficult season for you. What you are doing by educating yourself further with the intention of supporting others in their time of need will enable Waverly and Oliver to live on in every single family that you encounter as you love them the way you know they need it-because you've lived it. I can't think of a better way to honor both of them than to bless other families in honor of Waverly and Oliver. Great job Mom!

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