Life Lesson Learned

I'm not apologizing for my kids anymore.

Oliver had his 7 year appointment today with our pediatrician. I adore her, but the nurses can be iffy. Today's nurse obviously hadn't read the huge note on the front of his chart briefly explaining Sanfilippo Syndrome. She was irritated that Oliver would not remain still for blood pressure and pulse - I warned her. And she got a bit huffy when Oliver was unable to stand on the scale for more than a few seconds. Typically I would apologize for his behavior and let the person know developmentally he is only 18-24 months old. As I started to utter these words once again I realized that there is no need to begin my sentence with "I'm sorry" or "I apologize". My children have done nothing wrong.

My life is complicated enough. To move through it worried that Waverly's wheelchair may take up too much space, Oliver may get a bit noisy, people may judge me as a terrible mother for allowing 'Mickey Mouse Clubhouse' to play on an endless loop. I have to let it go. No more "I'm sorry". I have to move away from those words. Leave them behind.
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Comments

Kathryn :) said…
geez, people are jerks.

http://www.lovethatmax.com/2014/01/on-not-explaining-your-childs-special.html

this is a similar situation...
February 7, 2014 at 8:16 AM
Anonymous said…
Absolutely! nm
February 7, 2014 at 12:05 PM
Anonymous said…
Please don't feel that you have to explain yourself to anyone. Your children are beautiful and you guys are terrific, loving parents. I started following your blog several years ago- I'm not even sure anymore how I came across it. I am always heartbroken when I hear how people look at you differently or judge you and your family. Try to ignore people like that. I know that it is hard but try to remember that there are many friends and even strangers out here who see the beauty in your precious little ones. You have been an inspiration to me on more than one occasion and I pray for all of you often.
Stephanie from Portland, Oregon
February 7, 2014 at 7:35 PM
Joanne Huff said…
I love this, Shannon (not what you went through, but this expanding perspective). Very well put! Joanne
February 8, 2014 at 6:06 AM
Meg said…
Love this post! You are SO right - you shouldn't have to apologize for your beautiful children and I am sorry that you have felt like you have had to for SO long. :/ Just know that there are so many of us out there that love and care about them (and you!).
February 8, 2014 at 7:03 PM
Pamela said…
You should not have to apologize for their special needs and be constantly worrying about accommodating other people. Worry about your family and as long as you are being polite and considerate (which I'm sure you are!), don't worry about other people. We all live in this world together and need to treat each kindly and with consideration - that expectation should not be placed solely on parents of children with special needs. Keep up the great work!
February 22, 2014 at 6:12 PM
Anonymous said…
I've been following your blog for over a year, and as a pediatrician myself, I am appalled that a nurse used to working with children would EVER treat ANY child like that. I'd certainly want to know if any of my parents or patients had an experience like this, so please consider letting your doctor know. You shouldn't apologize for your children. You are a fantastic parent and advocate for them, and they are both precious!!
February 24, 2014 at 8:07 PM
Anonymous said…
What wonderful caring parents. The challenging part is explaining the condition over and over because so little is known about it. It is not just you - I had the same experience with the Nurse - [just to digress we had been working with 10yr old San Falippo lad to "step" on the rebounder and "jump jump" What a proud moment when he did it.] Now back to the nurse - he was about to be weighed she said "step on" and that was the trigger to Jump jump!!! on the scales. I smiled but we both got into trouble!!! Many people just don't understand our world - remember they are disadvantage because they do not have these special in-sights.
In Maori we say Kia Kaha - Be Strong. You are incredible people.
March 21, 2014 at 12:19 AM
Anonymous said…
The healthcare industry is going downhill fast. The compassion is no longer there, unfortunately. The doctors/nurses pull your folder from the door and come into the exam room without reading anything. Couldn't they take at least a minute to peruse through the file to get a sense of what's going on with a patient? Years ago I had just had an ultrasound and found out that I was about to miscarry. I was ushered to another room to wait for the doctor by a nurse who obviously did not look at the results that were just put in my file. She walked me through the office yelling, "CONGRATULATIONS!" Then we entered the exam room and she asked how I was feeling with the pregnancy, etc. I then informed her that she needs to look better at my file...I can tell she felt like an idiot. She mumbled a quick, "i'm sorry" and left the room. It's very sad that these are the people who handle our health. You are amazing parents. NEVER apologize for your children. Keeping you all in my prayers.
March 25, 2014 at 9:15 AM
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