Ten Weeks
It's been ten weeks since Waverly died. A dear friend commented that she is reminded of the way a mother carefully counts a newborn's weeks and eventually moves into months. It feels strangely similar, yet horribly different. I despise moving into the double digits weeks since I last held her hand and smoothed her hair. Each moment I am moving farther away from her presence. I am unable to erase from my mind the horror of realizing she had taken her last breath. Each Wednesday morning at 7:30 I am transported back in time to the extreme agony I felt when I lost her.
I haven't been writing much, because I haven't been feeling much aside from missing Wavey. The permanence of her absence has yet to sick it and I keep thinking that I can change this. Something can be done to bring her back. I am unable to process anything more during this time.
Comments
you are feeling. But I am a mom. So I do know the love you are feeling. I can't stand it when people who aren't moms give advse about parenting as if they know. They can't begin to know. So I don't mean to be one of "those". One who talks like they've got it figured out for you. Take what you want or can from these thoughts I had about this recent post of yours. I was thinking about what 7:25 AM on that Wednesday 10 weeks ago must've been like for you. Waverly was still here. I image you were laying with her, feeling her breathe and kissing her warm cheeks, as you've written in the past. Perhaps at 7:25 AM next Wednesday, you could think about "11 weeks ago at this moment I was with my Wavey, doing...."? Concentrate on that feeling until well past the 7:30 mark which rightly so brings so much pain. I don't know if it's the right thing to do emotionally or if it would even help. Again, I know you need no advise. You need to be doing what you are doing, and what you are doing is perfectly fine. Just every once in a while I hear something from someone and it completely changes a thought prosess for me and I'm so glad I heard it.
It's ok if you don't publish this comment. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and your family tonight. I am thinking about how you and Waverly belong to each other....forever....
I have been following your blog since the kids' diagnosis. I think about you all often. Thank you for your honest posts and thoughts.