Thoughts on Grief
The counting of weeks has morphed into the counting of months - 4 to be exact on March 18th.
The anticipation of each 18th day is agonizing and often worse than the actual date itself.
I have broken more glasses and plates since Waverly passed away compared to my entire lifetime.
I cannot recall names of those outside of my immediate circle.
Words escape me and my grammar has been especially horrid.
Night time is by far the most difficult part of each day.
I say good morning and good night to Waverly daily.
Magical Thinking is a very real concept. (I need to reread Joan Didion's book.)
I am going to become a crazy bird lady. I bought a feeder for in front of my kitchen window and I love it. The birds bring me such joy. I am now on the hunt to fill our entire yard with bird feeders.
Hearing someone say Waverly's name is music to my soul. Please continue to #sayhername
I have never been so tired.
I don't like to cry in front of people. I always cry in the church pew though.
I often say I am OK. It's not true. I am broken and struggling.
I am woefully behind in thanking everyone for the gifts and flowers they have sent. Please grant me grace as I slowly try to check things off of my to do list.
I love keeping fresh yellow tulips in Wavey's room.
Being in nature brings comfort.
Grief is not linear. There is no moving on or getting past. It is messy.
A smile is a easy way to show compassion. Eye contact avoidance does not.
I have depression and anxiety.
I cannot imagine how I will cope with losing Oliver. He is my snuggle buddy and provides me with so much comfort.
I miss every aspect of caring for Waverly. I do not "enjoy the free time" or "like the break".
I have watched way too much bad tv, but it provides a mindless escape.
I recommend reading "Rare Bird" to anyone who wants to understand how I am feeling in a deeper way. Anna nails it. And I am unable to put words to my feelings at this time.
Looking at old photos and sharing them is cathartic.
I replay the moments surrounded her death over and over again in my mind. It is awful.