Some Thoughts

I'm still in shock that Waverly died. I feel numb and unfeeling at times. Then I get upset with myself for not wailing and weeping more. There is an idea of what grief looks like and I am learning and being reminded by those who have been through it that it is a messy process. No rhyme or reason. No right or wrong. Just allow yourself grace.

With Wavey's funeral quickly approaching, the emotions are starting to swirl around deep within and I await what will transpire. Reality is going to hit. And once again it will be a rollercoaster of emotions. I am going to be excited to see old friends. I will feel such love to see people travel from all over the world to attend because they love her, even those who have never met her. I will want to celebrate her beautiful, albeit short life. I want to be sure the service honors her amazing spirit. And I will be mourning. An event on the calendar to remind me that she really is gone.

The past week I have been overwhelmed with a sense of pride for Waverly. As the cards, flowers, texts and calls come flooding in, they are all reminders that she has touched so many people. Wavey truly does inspire. Thank you all for the ways you have expressed your condolences.


dawn said…
I don't know if it'll be helpful to you, but CS Lewis's A Grief Observed was really helpful to me. It's essentially his journal from after he lost his wife, and it helped me feel more sane. He was able to put into words some of the things I couldn't.
Shannon, I am so very sorry for your loss of beautiful Waverly! We lost our daughter before we ever got to meet her. We saw two grief counselors, and they each offered a phrase that means nearly the same thing; more than four years later they remain imprinted on mind: "The only way is through it," and "You have to feel to heal." It's true that there is no way to predict or plan grief. I always thought that the stages of grief were linear - and they definitely are not. Imagine a pinball machine. Totally unpredictable and seemingly random - THAT is what it's like. There is no time table, and there is, unfortunately, no way to speed it up. We are loosely connected by Watson and the Birdwing family, and I have been following your family's story for quite a while now. My heart is with you.

Ann said…
Hi Shannon,
I've never met you, but I've been following your blog for years, and praying for you non-stop. Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking and also inspiring journey with us.
I wanted to let you know that i lost my Dad over the summer. While it's not the loss of a child - I can tell you that I continue to find myself amazed at the grief process. I understood so clearly what you meant a couple of weeks ago when you wrote that anticipating grief and actual grief are absolutely NOT the same thing. Your post today hits home again - Grief is messy, there is no rhyme or reason, no right or wrong. You said what I've been feeling so eloquently..... Some days I feel ok, and other days I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I try to be "on guard" all the time for things or situations that might upset me - but then I'm reduced to tears by the most mundane things. Even 5 months after his death - I feel so fragile....
I guess I'm telling you this because I had no idea what the "grief process" actually was, until I was tossed into it head first! Grief is a process.... and it's painful. You're not alone. "Grief is the price we pay for love." Someone sent that quote to me and I like it. It's so true. Hugs and Prayers to you, Matt and Oliver

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