Dream

November 03, 2010

Dream

I had a dream that Waverly could speak again. She was sitting on my lap and I asked Matt to puree her dinner. She took my face in her hand and said, "puree". I was stunned and then she did it again. I called for Matt and told him this was crazy. She looked into my eyes and said, "this is craaaaazy".

It was short and simple, but what a gift. One of the things I miss most is her beautiful voice. She had such an adorable lilt to her voice. She loved to finish the lines to her favorite books and she was always up for a song.

I wish I could fall back to sleep and dream that dream again.

Comments

Anonymous said…

Dreams come from the love in your heart. I will dream with you.

November 4, 2010 at 8:06 AM

Amanda said…

I love your writing, your posting. It just grabs at my heart. I wish that you could dream that dream again too. But you've got the memories, and those will never fade. You will hear your daughters voice again someday.

December 18, 2010 at 1:58 AM

Welcome to Holland

By Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.""Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.