It suddenly hit me that tomorrow morning I will have a 3rd grader and a kindergardener. How did that happen?! It wasn't until tonight that I really began to process this fact. I couldn't help but wonder what if there was no Sanfilippo and they were typical kids preparing for their first day of school. Sweet Waverly would be thrilled to be back in the classroom with her friends. She would love to tell her teacher all about the books she had read and her summer adventures. Handsome Oliver would be excited about school, but definitely nervous. He would be a bit more timid and on a countdown for lunch and recess. He would find comfort in his big sister's guidance.
I am sad tonight. Sad that my kids school supplies are diaper and wipes, lysol spray and tissues. No crayons or composition books. No freshly sharpened pencils or folders so carefully selected. I am jealous of all of those families who experience life so differently than I do.
Unfair I know, but natural. I have come to realize that it is inevitable to wish things were different. And sometimes I have to allow myself to drift away in wonder of how things could have been. I have to mourn all of those hopes and dreams I had for my children.
As we tucked the kids into bed, a *new normal* is beginning to take hold. Waverly's room now has an IV pole in it, so we can hook up her feeding pump at night whilst she sleeps. Each time I pop in to check on her the yellow glow of the pump lights up her sweet face, arms crossed over her chest hugging her Baa-Baa tightly. She is so beautiful. She is so brave.
Tomorrow morning I will drop Oliver off for his first day of Kindergarden. (Waverly will be home with me for at least another week as she recovers from surgery.) I will definitely cry. Time is moving much too quickly.